dreams

i'm just trying to sleep.
i'm sleeping im sleepy let me sleep sleep sleep.
sleep until the quiet floods.
sleep until i have no dreams
i wish i could sleep until eternity
until eternity kicks my stomach
i wish i could sleep until my arms are like trees
and my feet are roots
until mother nature holds me like her child
and i become part of her great physique

i sleep on my thoughts and my hopes are my dreams.
i know that as long as i sleep
the pressure of the sun never feels too heavy
the pressure of gravity never too grounding

i float in slumber, a baby in a womb.
i float and smile and clench my fists and wait for the light
a light that does not lead to hurt and hearts and people and depression.

this light will be different than the first, it will have joy.

it will have love.

this is my dream, but my reoccuring nightmare is that i will yearn for sleep so much that it will one day take me and i will not wake for the slumber a scream for.

i will lie in waiting.

i will wait for a man who will never come because he won't know i need him.

how could he know?

no one will remember to mention it, they will too buy attending to
the duties
the tasks
the burdens
of an unexpected death.

and he will prehaps come to mourn the loss of a girl he didn't really know
as a respectful friend of a friend but his life will not be affected.
and he will not know that he could have awoken the girl
who never woke up.

how could he know?

i coulnd't tell him.

and there i would lie six feet from where i always wanted to be, six feet too far from the light
that was blinding in the morning but so much more beautiful than life in the ground.

and he may stand above me one day, prehaps at the funeral, prehaps on my birthday, prehaps because he was in the neighborhood of cemeteries, and wanted to say hello.

and in my dreams i would scratch the case and break my nails and scream my fears.
scream my love.

but no one will hear me for am asleep.
and he will not hear me for he is awake.
he will not dig, because he won't know.

how could he know?

and he will leave,

to live.

and i will sleep,

to death.