chewing on my cheeks
i taste the eternal reminder
that my clock is always ticking
im always dying
a little bit of attention, recognition
a divine purpose
in the mess of moods and confusion and need
desperately waiting for what is supposed to come soon
i had you in my grasp
without love i will die very young
very violently forever young
finding comfort in all the wrong hands
lonliness manifested to depression
deeper than the rivers in my arms
deeper than the hole in my stomach
darker than your eyes
dark enough to never see light again
i lose myself in your pupils
they widen and envelope me
you shake
i am always the happiest
when chemicals are around
she is beautiful
their love is enviable
but i know what its like to rest in between his biceps
under the warmth of his breath
why can she live under his canopy
safe and dry and loved unconditionally
i stand outside
an onlooker forever envious
thunderstorms sometimes roll into hurricanes
if they are so inclined
sobriety is overrated
but i swear i would never touch a single
stimulant cause all i need to stimulate me
is someone who knows how to create
inappropriate relationships with friends who know better
treading dangerous waters but we're eighteen
im at my peak
and the only person who i want to peak with
is riding his buzz with someone i will never be
fuck feeling like shit
fuck wishing to be anyone but the person in the mirror
fuck wasting breaths
fuck longing and yearning and praying
there's nobody who's going to help you except
fuck doctors who've never been sick a day in their life
fuck money
fuck anarchy
fuck hoping that shits going to change
nothings going to change
everything is going to get fucking worse and worse
im fucking done writing shitty ass poems wishing and waiting and hoping for
change
fuck change
eat, sleep, fuck and die
nothing is going to be different tomorrow
fuck letting assholes make you feel weak
i make myself feel subpar enough
fuck people who make you feel like shit
so for 5 seconds of their sad life they feel
better than you
no body is better than anybody
we're all fucking depressed we're all waiting for an impossible euphoria
some chase it with drugs
sex
lying
working
cheating
praying
dealing
there's not going to be a fucking gate with clouds when all this shit it over there will be 6 feet of dirt you'll never see because you'll be fucking dead
so fuck this shit.
